Peace, Not Riches, Sustains Woman's Second Marriage Despite Poverty

A Nigerian woman, Yemi, who had previously given up on the institution of marriage after a difficult first union, has now shared how her second marriage has not only endured but also restored her faith in committed relationships. She revealed that her initial marriage, spanning over five years, was a period she described as 'silent hell'. This experience left her with deep distrust for men and the concept of marriage itself.

Her perspective shifted upon meeting her second husband, Waheed Adebayo. Despite his lack of financial resources, she credits the success and longevity of their marriage to his consistent treatment of her with respect and mercy. Yemi recounted their humble beginnings, stating, 'When I married my second husband, we had nothing. Nothing at all. Up till today, we are still building. We are still praying. We are still trying. But this man... this man made me believe that marriage is not a scam.'

Before meeting him, Yemi spent three challenging years selling bread under the harsh Lagos sun and rain, enduring swollen feet and a dry throat. During this period, colleagues would often encourage her to find a partner, even if not for marriage. She would respond with deep-seated skepticism, saying, 'If marriage is now the certificate people are using to enter Jannah, then let Allah Himself hold that certificate. I don’t want a man. I don’t trust marriage again. Because my first marriage... 5 years of it was silent hell to me.'

When Allah brought her current husband, Waheed Adebayo, into her life, he too was facing personal struggles she chose not to elaborate on. However, one significant aspect was that he 'never made me carry his pain. He never said _“I’m suffering, so you should suffer too.”'

Their wedding was a modest affair, devoid of a grand ceremony or elaborate celebrations like Asoebi or Owambe. 'Only my mother, senior brother, my senior sister, and my mum’s junior sister sat down. We did Owori. I packed my things and entered his house. That was it,' she explained. From the very beginning, Adebayo consistently demonstrated his commitment and care.

Yemi recalled a particularly difficult pregnancy with their first child, AbdulSamad, due to a five-year gap since her second born, which left her body weak. She said, 'This man would drop whatever he was doing, carry me like a child, and take me to hospital. He would go to Lagos, enter motor, and buy me slippers. Buy me pants. Buy me gown.'

She emphasized that 'Money is not everything, I swear to Allah.' She highlighted his unwavering support during her menstrual periods, when she was often weak and bleeding. 'And he would say _“Give me the clothes”_ and wash them himself. He would cook. He would fetch water. He would clean.' These were tasks her ex-husband's family had insisted 'No man can do that. That’s a woman’s job.' Yet, Adebayo performed them without being asked, driven by his 'fear of Allah.'

A poignant memory Yemi shared was when AbdulSamad was five or six months old, and she confessed to Adebayo that she had never seen the beach. Despite their financial constraints – 'We had no money at all in our hands then. Zero' – he agreed to take her. He bought six yards of Ankara fabric for matching outfits, and they traveled by a packed commercial bus to the beach. They couldn't afford chairs, rides, or food, simply standing and gazing at the water.

As they prepared to leave, Yemi requested a picture, using her last money to pay a boy at the beach, as Adebayo's funds had been depleted by transport. Reflecting on that moment, she said, 'But ma/sir... if you saw my face in that picture? You would think I was a billionaire’s wife. Because for the first time in years, I was genuinely happy. Not because of money. Because of peace.'

Yemi concluded by praising Waheed Adebayo, asserting that despite his limited finances, he understood how to respect a woman and be a protective 'shelter' according to Allah’s Sunnah. Her powerful message to the world is: 'Money can finish. Clothes will tear. House can scatter. But a man who will wash your period bl@@d, carry you to hospital with no money, and still take you to see water when his pocket is empty That is rizq. That is mercy. That is a man.'

She advises women, 'Money is good ma. But marry a man with mercy first. Because money will leave you, but mercy will carry you. Alhamdulillah for our life.'